Congrats. Even possums do that.

Today, I heard something that really sparked my engine up. Lecrae, a Christian rap artist, put this on instagram.

" Food on the table and roof over your head is a ridiculously low bar for fathers. Congrats. Even possums do that." -John Bryson

Now, I am not one to enjoy degrading men by comparing them to animals, but this was just so true for my own life and so many children in the world. I could sit here and tell you statistics of what usually happens to kids when they are abandoned by their father, but I am sure that most people know the facts.
It's detrimental on the mother for many reasons. She does not have emotional support, in many situations she is without financial support, and is not being lead by a man in a spiritual way. What can happen to the child is not easily described. There are so many problems that have stemmed from a fatherless home.

When I say "Fatherless" home, I mean a household where the father is not present. He could physically be around, but that doesn't necessarily mean "present". I think that this situation is where the quote is stemming from. Granted, it is better for the father to be around in some type of way than not at all....but it's still pretty unfortunate. The technology generation has only made this worse. Everyone can be in the same room and still not be present. I am talking about dads who spend one on one time with their kids. Engage in conversation with them. Sit at the table with them. Praying with them. Going on walks.....just being there. Present. Totally present in the moment. Making eye contact. It's such a beautiful thing.

There are plenty of situations where the mother has abandoned the child and the father is present, but it did not turn out that way in my personal life, so I am not able to relate to that as well. Therefore, I will not pretend to. I will just write about what I know today.

I grew up in a fatherless home for the most part. My mom worked several jobs to take care of us, and while she did start receiving financial support after a while, we still rarely saw our father. He was the type of dad that popped in and out here and there every few years and we went crazy to see him. He came in and sometimes would give us a few bucks to buy some candy and we thought he hung the moon in the sky. Or he randomly would send us a Barbie doll in the mail for Christmas and we would rant and rave to our mom about how he is the best, and it was our favorite Barbie of all time. As I grew older and much wiser, I would refer to him as the Fairy God father coming in and sprinkling a few bits of happiness before leaving us again for a while. My very hard working mom had to put up with this over my entire childhood. She does not receive near enough credit for her courage.

Since then, he has been a little more involved and is aware that he made some mistakes in his past. He has started going to church and is learning so much about Christianity. It's awesome to see him grow. I do miss him and wish he were around more. Sometimes, I dwell on things that I missed out on. Things that the enemy tries to use against me to start building the grudges back up against him. I am sure this happens with lots of families. Like, not having a dad at any sports events, tell you that you need to change your oil often, or having anyone around to teach you to ride a bike. Especially things like father daughter dances, going on dates, and having someone to walk you down the aisle on your wedding day. These are little things that have effected my life as a girl who missed her daddy, but I am sure it's equally or more detrimental for boys without dads.

God got a hold of my life and changed things around a bit for me when I was a teenager. He put some really awesome men in my life that were able to change my mind around a bit about what a father looks like. I saw some men at church who drove 3 hours round trip to work each day, came home and ate dinner with the family, only to rush outside to play catch with his 5 children almost everyday. Men who kissed their wives everyday and protected them. Men who loved hanging out with other dads and growing in fatherhood. I saw men who thought being a dad was cool for the first time in my life. They love coaching their kid's teams He even sent me a special man in my life who told me things about vehicles and how to drive on the snow to protect me. He changed my oil and even took me into his household to live there when I had no place else to go. Men who loved God and demonstrated fatherhood. I honestly still believe with all of my heart that God wants me to view Him as my father and pursues my heart daily. He wants what is best for me in all aspects of my life. That is the most beautiful fatherhood of all.

I say all of these things to prove a point, not just dig into my past. How did we get to be this generation that gives up so easy? That leaves their kids to be raised by someone else?  Most guys are bad fathers because their fathers were not around to teach them how to be a good one. Then they do the very thing that has broken their heart in their childhood to their own kids. This generational curse has to end. It's disgusting, pathetic, and fixable.

I honestly believe that God wants what is best for us because he knows the repercussions ofwhat could happen if we give into our desires...such as have sex outside of a very committed relationship. I personally believe God wants us to wait until marriage to even further that commitment before having sex. When you have sex, there is a very large possibility that you will become a parent, so you need to be aware of that.

How does this end? How do boys that were abandoned learn from their father's mistakes? How do girls with absent mothers grow up to be a good mommy? It takes a man to really realize that someone has to break the curse. It takes a girl to gain the confidence in herself to know that she is worth more than her weight in gold. To know that she is loved, cherished, and adored, even when she isn't told by her earthly father.

You see, if a girl realizes this, she could change everything. She could realize she is so precious and she will wait to have sex with a guy that really cherishes her.....(not just guy who gives her attention for the evening and then she gets pregnant by him leaving her abandoned with a baby.) She will have higher standards for her selection of guys. If a guy realizes that he wants to teach his son to have integrity and a good character like he maybe missed out on with his father, then he can decide to make it happen. It's just a decision. A goal....having a purpose.

Parents rejoice when their children turn out well;
    wise children become proud parents.
Proverbs 23:24